Day 160 (A Hundred & Sixty) of 365 days
You know exactly what to do after a breakup. There’s an entire manual on how to navigate this new single lifestyle you’ve entered. There are a million, movies, books, and songs explaining exactly what you are going through. But then there is another type of heartbreak, one that people don’t talk about. It seems with all the talk about love and heartbreak we neglect to talk about what happens when you lose a friend.
Friend breakups are completely different and a lot harder to manage. It’s not like you go see them and give some speech about how it’s been fun but you just don’t think it’s going to work anymore. When it comes to friendships there’s not always a solid conclusion, sometimes you don’t even realize it’s ended until after it’s over.
That scary thought of friendship breakup leads me to ask: are we striving to forgive small sins? To air our grievances before they accumulate and blow up our friendships? To make the effort to get together? To give others the benefit of the doubt? Are we giving what we can, or keeping a score? Are we unfairly expecting friends to think and believe the same things we do? Are we doing the best we can? Well, maybe that’s what most of our friends think they are doing, too. And if they aren’t being a good friend, or if they have drifted away from us, or we from them, maybe we can accept these common rifts, without giving in to guilt so overwhelming that it pushes us to slap a label on those we no longer want for friends.
When a friend breaks up with us or disappears without explanation, it can be devastating. Even though the churning and pruning of social networks are common over time, we still somehow expect friendships to be forever. Friendship break-ups challenge our vision of who we are, especially if we’ve been intertwined with a friend for many years.
The forces that dictate whom we stay close to and whom we let go of can be mysterious even to ourselves. Aren’t their people you like very much whom you haven’t contacted in a long time? And others you don’t connect with as well whom you see more often? The former group might be penciling you into their ‘bad friend’ column right now.
I have many friends, but sometimes I find myself forgetting the true meaning of a real friend. Therefore, I have to ask myself who is here for me. Do I have many friends? Who is a friend and who is an associate, or do I have neither? Knowing the difference between an associate and a friend can be hard sometimes. There are more selfish ways with an associate than a friend. Associates are only there when they feel they need to be there. You also cannot tell if they are here for the good or the bad. They will talk about a person behind their back and misguide them at the same time. A true friend will assist you instead of hurt you, unlike associates.
Ending a relationship may break your heart, but losing a friend can shatter your soul. When you lose a friend, there are no songs, movies, or books to guide you. You look around and realize the shoulder you usually go to cry on is no longer there. Your entire world feels like it’s crashing down around you, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get through it. Not all people are meant to stay in your life forever as much as you may want them
