Day 216 (Two-Hundred & Six) of 365 days

We probably all have an ex that we can’t seem to get out of our minds. A harmful friendship we hold on to even though it exhausts us. Or even a family member who is toxic. Why can’t we learn how to let go of someone, even when we know they’re not good for us?

What I’ve realized this year is you have to let people come and go. You cannot place one person as the sole holder of your heart and happiness. You should enjoy their presence, enjoy their light, but don’t let them consume you, because every day each of us changes. Usually, they are small changes, changes we don’t even realize are happening, like the way we think of love or our definitions of happiness. Yet sometimes, all of a sudden, that friend who was your soulmate becomes more of a soul you knew. Their priorities have changed or their values and thoughts on life are not aligned with yours anymore. Guess what? As much pain as that may bring you, accept the change. And as much as you yearn to call out to them to stay, let them go.

Change is beautiful—it is painful, but eventually, you will see the light. Sometimes the best love is being able to love from afar. No matter where someone physically lives, they are in your soul and their impact on you imprints in your mind forever. So, let people come and go. Allow change. And keep your heart open to new love, new souls, and new opportunities to grow and learn more about yourself.

Many people have grown up in a dysfunctional family or a specific culture that taught them to always put other people’s needs and feelings before their own. Often, they’ve been enmeshed in complicated and depleting relationships, or a toxic, demanding job that ignores the need for a work/life balance. The result is they neglect themselves physically and emotionally. One of the most powerful things we can encourage ourselves to do is shift away from an all-consuming “outward” focus and begin to make it a daily practice of turning inward to take our own “emotional temperature” and gain insight into our own unmet needs.

Let go of the energy you expend obsessing and worrying about other people and their behaviour, or situations that are truly out of your control. Worrying doesn’t change anything other than draining you emotionally, physically, and mentally. Let go of personalizing other people’s moods or actions. Most of the time it’s not about you at all! Let go of “owning” other people’s problems. Gain clarity about what is truly yours and what isn’t and know that the best way to release that ownership is by holding clear and consistent boundaries.

I thought, maybe some don’t see the benefits of letting people go. Maybe it’s easier to stay stuck in a familiar place, in a familiar feeling. Perhaps there is a feeling of guilt or shame surrounding letting go. I recalled the times where I have felt stuck, and I realized I couldn’t let go because I had created a sort of identity around my pain at that time. There are many reasons why a person may have difficulty letting go, but for sanity’s sake, it must be done.

Letting go of someone you love isn’t easy, but holding on only holds you back from the possibility of an extraordinary relationship. To focus your energy on living positively and proactively, you need to learn how to move on. Are you ready to let go of relationships that no longer serve you?

Remember that refusing to let go will not bring someone you care about back. Continuing to hold on only hurts your emotional and physical state, keeping you from fully enjoying life.