Day 226 (Two-Hundred & Twenty-Six) of 365 days
Expectations make us suffer — pretending that things will go our way creates unnecessary stress. Life is like a fragile glass; it will break sooner or later. Rather than expecting things to happen one way, enjoy them for what they are — and while they last.
People tell me that, sometimes, they feel they are living someone else’s life. Like something is missing. That’s because they allow other people to determine their choices. Social pressure is deceiving — we can quickly lose control of our lives without noticing it. Your boss, partner, friends, parents, and more have expectations — they don’t see you for who they are. They observe the gap between who you are and what they want you to become. To overcome expectations, we must maintain ownership of our choices.
Pleasing other people is like chasing a moving target. Everyone has different hopes for you. Social pressure is fluid — people will continually change their expectations toward you. Expectations are an illusion. By trying to please everyone, we end pleasing no one — ourselves included. That’s why most people don’t live the life they want. Everyone feels frustrated and disappointed. That’s why it’s better to expect the unexpected — accept the glass will break. Anticipation is tedious — even when things go as expected, we can’t enjoy unsurprising events.
When you have too high expectations of others, it harms you. There is one thing that keeps us unhappy, disappointed, and resentful in relationships more than anything else. As we get more secure within the relationship, we begin to treat the other person differently than we did at the beginning. It starts when we label others as our friends, boss, or spouse. These labels give us a feeling that we — in some unconscious way — “own” the person or have the permission to treat them differently than others. When we “label” the other person we begin to expect a certain kind of behavior from them. We say, she’s my best friend so she should always support me and have the same opinions as me. We think things like you’re my spouse so you should always be nice to me. What do all of these examples have in common? Expectations.
It’s normal to expect certain behavior from others. By no means, I’m talking here about taking any behavior from others and letting go of our standards. Yet what I mean here is imposing our unfounded expectations on others. Especially the ones which are too heavy to carry. This sort of expectation are crushing relationships, and no relationship can survive them without harm. Most of us get disappointed when our expectations are not met. We thought someone would be something, do something–and they didn’t come through, and naturally, we become disappointed. But if you are going to be successful, the important thing is not to expect anything from anyone that you are not willing to do for yourself.
Let go of expectations and find something to be grateful about, even when things do not turn out the way you hoped, and you will experience serenity rather than resentment. I do my thing and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped.
