Day 227 (Two-Hundred & Twenty-Seven) of 365 days
Many choices we make in life — ranging from what we do, to how we conduct ourselves, and who we interact with — are subject to prying questions and commentary from those around us. Family members, friends, and even total strangers, often seem like everyone has an opinion on the things we do, no matter how small or insignificant those things might seem to us. Sometimes people go so far as to ask you to explain yourself for the decisions or choices you make in your own life. You might feel obliged to respond, but some things are really no one else’s business and you don’t owe anyone your time.
You might worry that you will come across as “rude,” “anti-social” or “aloof” when you cancel plans or other obligations because you need some time alone to reboot, unwind or just enjoy a good book by yourself. However, spending time alone is a completely normal, natural, and necessary practice that more people should adopt. Take your alone time confidently because you don’t owe anybody an explanation for it.
We are not required to speak if we don’t want to speak. We are not demanded to give people the words, conversations, and responses that they want — especially if we don’t want to give them. We do not have to reach out to people if we don’t want to. We are not required to put ourselves in the way of bad company or bad circumstances, just because it’s the easy thing to do or because it’s more comfortable. We do not have to give anything to anyone. However, we owe it to ourselves to honor what we actually do want. We owe it to ourselves to listen to our inner self, to hear what feels good and right for our own body, and to refuse to feel guilt or shame for that.
No one is required to give us their time, energy, words, or favors. No one has to give us anything. No one owes us anything. And so do you. You give your time freely, lending your hours to the people you love without considering your own needs. You feel guilty when everyone asks for more time than you can provide them, and you acquiesce to their demands because you don’t want to lose them. But the truth is that the time you give away so generously is yours and yours alone, so spend it anyway your heart desires — no matter what anyone else thinks.
You don’t owe your time to anything that isn’t mandatory in your life. You believe that rushing to achieve everything others expect of you is the answer, that you must devote your time and attention to projects that don’t inspire you, and people who don’t reciprocate care. You believe that if you share your time with everyone, no one will ever be without and you will be happy, even though you know that someone will always judge you. But if stepping back from expectations and being deliberate with your time brings you a sense of relief, you aren’t obligated to give anyone or anything all of your energy. Spend the time you devote to worrying about what others think energizing your own spirit instead.
Sometimes you’ll see a post on social media that triggers some kind of response in you. More often than not, that response can be negative towards ourselves. It’s that nagging feeling you get in your gut, when your stomach drops and you think to yourself, “I wish I had that” or “I wish I could have that.” It makes you think that where you are in this season of life is somehow inferior to the next person’s. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of why you have your finances set up the way you do, how things work in your marriage, your career choices (or lack thereof), how many kids you choose to have (or not have).
And let’s take this one step further: just because someone shares something on social media or gives an opinion that “contradicts” whatever you’re doing doesn’t mean you have to justify yourself in the comments. When someone shares how excited they are for graduation, you don’t need to justify your decision not to go to college. When someone shares their pregnancy announcement, you don’t have to divulge your fertility struggles or explain why you’re choosing to wait to have kids. When someone talks about how much they love your job, you don’t have to justify why you chose to be a stay-at-home parent. You don’t owe anyone an explanation and your time. So why do you feel obligated to give one, when no one is asking?
Whether it’s our time, our bodies, our smiles, our stories, our forgiveness, or our explanations, women (and men) are continually told how they should “behave.” So just in case no one’s told you this yet, I’m telling you now that there are some things you will never owe anyone including your time.
