Day 265 (Two-Hundred & Sixty-Five) of 365 days

Everybody wants to be happy, but for some people, it’s not as simple as just cheering up. When it comes to teenage angst and depression, help is out there for those who need it. With the pressures of good grades, finding friends, and an unknown future of career and school, it is natural for teens to feel angst: an overall dread or worry. Sometimes it’s just that nagging feeling, with brief moments of panic.

Despite a lot of encouragement, despite political freedoms and psychological exhortations, we suffer, still, most of us, in silence. We don’t say quite say – until it is way too late – what is wrong, what we want, how we are angry, what we’re ashamed of and the way we would like things to be.

It shouldn’t perhaps really be a surprise how hard the speaking up continues to feel. For most of the history of humanity, speaking up was about the most dangerous thing an ordinary human could do. There were mighty superiors above us, who demanded complete obedience and were strictly uninterested in anything we might have to say. Speaking up would have got one flogged, excommunicated or killed.

In personal life, similar principles of submission have applied. Throughout history, a good child did not speak up in any way. If we were sad, we cried softly on our pillow at night. If we mistakenly spilt some ink, we’d try to hide the evidence. The adult does not have to be an outright bully to disable a child. If they are often on edge (preoccupied with matters at work), or seem depressed and close to breakdown or have elevated yet rigid ideals of who their offspring should be, the child might as well have a belt around their mouth.

So most of the year’s human beings have been on this planet, it’s been a story of festering, of sulking, of bitterness, of suppressed rage, of bitten lips – and of saying, openly, nothing. Only very recently, in the last second from an evolutionary perspective, have we awoken to the possible benefits and sometimes necessity of speaking up.

The art of communication is not mastered by just knowing what to say and how to say it. A big factor is knowing when to say it. So often people sit back and say nothing when something needs to be said. It could be an idea, a suggestion, an observation, a criticism...but for some reason, they don’t want to speak up. They may be afraid of hurting another person, looking mean or foolish, or opening a can of worms that will make a mess in everyone’s lives. Sometimes it seems like staying silent is the wiser choice.

You may think that staying silent keeps you from being involved in any conflict, but quite the opposite. Silence is as much an active form of communication as talking. Anytime you are involved in a situation, people are aware of all the input and lack of it. If you disapprove and don’t say anything it will not make you seem easygoing. If the problem persists and you did nothing people may consider it as enabling and think the issue is as much your fault as the person who caused the problem. You may destroy trust and create resentment. People rarely thank you for withholding information down the line.

I like to believe most people are good-hearted by nature. And many stay silent because they don’t want to do any harm by offending or criticizing someone. But when a person or the team is headed down a dangerous path it’s selfish to put your own need to be comfortable above the needs of the others. Worse, by staying silent, you may be harming the very people you hope to help. The worst-case scenario, if you speak up, is that someone may disagree, but at least the issue is at the forefront and an active decision can be made. The best-case scenario is that everyone benefits and you are hailed as a powerful leader.

If everyone holds back, the bus may silently head over a cliff. Speak up! Never suffer in silence.