Day 281 (Two-Hundred & Eighty-One) of 365 days
Over the past few years, I have gained much knowledge about betrayal. I have come to believe that it is close to the worst thing that people can do to each other (besides murder), and it’s something that happens more and more as one grows older.
The closest companion is the individual you depend on the most. She’s somebody you would trust with your life, your mysteries, and your feelings. You gradually let her into your heart and the trust gathers over the long haul. A bond is framed over those mysteries, a kinship that will last. Never again is anything untouchable, and if that individual ever needs to talk, somebody will be there.
One second can transform everything. The individual you thought was your comrade ends up being a deceiver. The entirety of the mysteries and shared feelings are convoluted and utilized against you. Your shortcomings are played until you separate and are gradually destroyed. At last, the individual is perceived as the truth. The entirety of the reports and the alleged untruths are valid. You, being the better individual, attempted to look past them, assuming the best about your companion. Yet, when reality comes out and the untruths begin to disentangle, what do you have left? When do you know to release a fellowship and when to hang on? Starting there on, all the trust you once had for your companion is gone and it can never be reconstructed.
Someone has told me that if you trust in someone too much it can hurt you later in life. I think what they mean is that when someone you trust so much betrays you it hurt more than any other people who betray you. I don’t think I can say that I know how that feels because I never got betrayal by my friend and family before but I have heard stories people told me about.
We humans have certain needs that can only be met by forming close relationships and friendships with others. These are give-and-take relationships where we get benefits from others while simultaneously providing benefits to them. For betrayal to happen, you have to first invest in the person. If you’re not invested at all in them, there’s no risk of betrayal. A stranger is least likely to betray you. Even if they do, it doesn’t hurt as much as a betrayal coming from a close friend. Your enemies can’t betray you. You’re not invested in these people. You don’t trust them to begin with. In friendships, however, you invest your time, energy, and resources. You only do that because you expect things from them in return. If you get very little or nothing back, you feel betrayed.
One could live in a cave somewhere and totally eliminate the risk of being betrayed, ever. Some people do just that. For most of us, that isn’t an option because we’re willing to risk betrayal to have our important needs met by others. Your friend is likely to betray you when they believe they have more to gain from the betrayal than from your friendship. If you can tweak this simple math in your favor, you can significantly reduce your chances of getting betrayed.
One moment of betrayal can rock a years-long friendship, leaving both of you feeling disoriented regardless of which side the betrayal came from. Whether you told your best friend’s most intimate secret or it was your trust that was broken, you may now believe there is nothing that can be done to keep the friendship from careening off the cliffside. However, you may be able to save the friendship, provided you want to do so, once you understand the implications of betrayal.
