Day 334 (Three-Hundred & Thirty-Four) of 365 days
I often feel the need to do everything I can for other people. If someone asks me to review their essay before they turn it in I will do it the second they ask. When someone says that they need someone to talk to, I’m the first to call. If I have a much-needed lazy day planned and someone asks me to do something, I will neglect my own needs to hang out with them.
This is mainly because I am an empathetic person. I try my hardest to be there for others and not only listen but understand their needs. This often means talking about what is stressing my friends out, even when I have the issues that I need to sort through. It means staying up late just to talk to someone, even though I know I need the sleep. It means ignoring what my body tells me I need because my brain tells me what I want.
So today let me say this — and this is as much for myself as it is for you — it’s okay to put yourself first. It’s okay to turn off your phone for a night and go to sleep. It’s okay to tell a friend that you can’t focus on their problems because you need to talk about your own. At the end of the day, you are the only person who is looking out for your best interests. By nature, humans are selfish. It’s okay to sometimes be selfish when it comes to yourself. My mom always used to tell me, “you’re the only person that can make yourself happy” and this is completely true. If you’re relying on other people as your source of confidence or happiness, then you need to take a step back. It’s okay to put yourself first because you’re the only person that will.
Just because you are taking time to focus on yourself, it doesn’t mean that you are ignoring the feelings of those around you. Life is all about balance and it’s important to learn how to recognize and separate your needs from somebody else’s. Taking time for yourself may also help you to better help somebody in the future. If you take the time to reboot and relax now then you’ll be able to better focus on the people around you.
Your loved ones want to see you happy and healthy. Think about all the relationships that you are a part of and how much better they are when the other person is feeling their best emotionally, physically and mentally. Think about how you feel when you sleep sufficiently each night, regularly exercise, eat healthy food, see friends and family regularly, engage in stimulating work. The list goes on. By contrast, when you become too far spent and no longer have your full energy, your irritability affects the people you love, not just your well-being. When you direct partial attention toward yourself, you start to show up in all facets of your life as a partial version of yourself. Your loved ones will feel that, and your relationships will ultimately suffer.
People feel the energy you bring to every situation. If you are happy, they will observe that. If you are angry, they will feel that, too. Your emotions don't even have to be that extreme for your loved ones to absorb this energy. So recognize that power, subtle as it may be at times. If you are standing alone in your kitchen and your best friend or a family member walks in, they will pick up on what kind of mood you are in instantly. It's becoming normal to see children testing high in cortisol levels just barely into their teens because they have absorbed the stress of their well-meaning parents.
The best thing you can do for your loved ones is to be the healthiest and happiest self you can be. Sometimes, that means saying no. Sometimes that "no" may disappoint others. But most important of all is listening to the wisdom of your body and your mood. Taking time for yourself serves everyone around you. Trust me, you'll thank me later.
