RETURN TO YOURSELF
Day 340 of 365 days
No matter how old or young you are and no matter for long you have been living a life that was not yours to live, it’s never too late to go back to your Self, it’s never too late to return to innocence, your innocence. Free yourself from all the things that are not aligned with who you are deep down inside. Be like a sculptor. Carve away the rough walls that imprison your beautiful and loving Soul and reveal yourself to the world.
When was the last time you stopped to consider your needs, without also taking into account what someone else wanted for you? There’s nothing wrong with putting energy into relationships with loved ones or turning your attention toward finding a romantic partner or new friend. People need love, intimacy, and companionship, so you are focusing on yourself by pursuing those needs. It’s also pretty safe to say that if you never stop to consider others, your relationships probably won’t thrive.
Feeling uncertain about your identity can make it tough to get clarity on what you want from life. Without some familiarity with who you are as a person, you can’t do much to achieve your goals, live according to your values, or get your needs met. Significant events — breakup, career change, childbirth, personal crisis —can prompt growth and cast a spotlight on ways you’ve already changed. This illumination may call into question things you thought you knew about yourself as new aspects of your identity emerge for the first time.
Most people compare themselves to others on occasion. Perhaps you feel a little envious of a particular friend who always seems happy. “If only I had their brains (or partner, or style, or wealth, or anything else), I’d be happy, too,” you think. But you don’t know how they find fulfilment in life. Even if their happiness does stem from the things they have, people are different, and there’s still no guarantee those same possessions will bring you the same joy.
Comparing yourself to someone else can motivate you to aim for similar goals, like a nice house, your dream car, or a loving partner. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as long as these new ideas don’t overshadow your existing values. Comparisons can become problematic when they distract you from what matters to you. You might end up working toward something you don’t necessarily want, simply because you think might resolve your dissatisfaction.
The greatest and most important adventure of our lives is discovering who we are. Yet, so many of us walk around either not knowing or listening to an awful inner critic that gives us all the wrong ideas about ourselves. We mistakenly think of self-understanding as self-indulgence, and we carry on without asking the most important question we’ll ever ask: Who am I? As Mary Oliver put it, “what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
The idea of focusing on yourself isn’t as self-centred as it sounds. It’s one of the best things you can do for your well-being. If you struggle to give yourself the attention you deserve, a therapist can offer guidance with turning your focus inward and help you explore more strategies for self-care.
